Where a single girl might announce ownership of nine cats to indicate dedicated celibacy, a guy just needs to step out in Capri pants.
-Steven P. Magstadt
What is the point of a garment that makes guys with muscular legs look like hobbits, and guys with slender legs look like famine survivors by cutting the calf four inches below the knee? The exposed area makes for a really odd tan line highlighting a Puritan erogenous zone roughly the shape and size of a leg of goat that needs studding with dates before being slowly roasted.
Capris are most commonly worn by lady golfers and sturdy female tourists who walk with the confidence of people who know the gun in their fanny pack or the 9 iron in their bag is capable of filling in any gap of physical strength or vocabulary in a combative situation. They are wearing this look because they have the tools to defend it. Even in a time when some clothing companies are attempting to design gender-free, this look isn’t for everyone. Sorry, guys.
If it’s too hot for pants, and you cannot wear shorts for some inexplicable reason, don’t try for something in between. Lacking guns, clubs, and underwires, you’ll just look like a disenfranchised hipster pirate who got lost in the nether regions of Banana Republic. These aren’t shorts. These aren’t pants. They are shan’ts. They indicate that you might have committed yourself to the idea of dying alone.
P.G. Wodehouse would have called this trend, “Evidence of a silliness that could be checked before it spreads.” I heartily agree.